September 23, 2025
Author: Frankie Kennedy
Managing Big Feelings: A Solution-Focused Approach to Emotion Regulation
Life can be overwhelming, and sometimes, our emotions can feel like they’re too much to handle. Whether you’re experiencing intense anger, sadness, anxiety, or frustration, these "big feelings" can easily spiral out of control, leaving you feeling powerless and emotionally drained. However, rather than feeling trapped by your emotions, a Solution-Focused Approach to emotion regulation offers practical strategies that can help you manage your feelings and regain control.
In this blog, we’ll explore how to recognize and manage big feelings using a Solution-Focused Counseling perspective, focusing on practical solutions and empowering tools to regulate your emotions more effectively.
What is Emotion Regulation?
Emotion regulation refers to the ability to manage and respond to your emotional experiences in a way that is healthy, constructive, and in line with your goals. It’s about acknowledging and validating your emotions, while also finding ways to express them appropriately and avoid being overwhelmed by them.
When we talk about big feelings, we’re referring to intense emotions that might feel hard to control or understand—emotions like:
Anger
Sadness
Anxiety
Fear
Frustration
These emotions are completely natural, but if left unchecked, they can take over your thoughts and actions. A Solution-Focused Approach doesn’t focus on the causes of these emotions or get bogged down in why you feel the way you do. Instead, it helps you identify what you can do to manage your emotions now, using practical strategies to improve your emotional well-being.
How a Solution-Focused Approach Can Help Manage Big Feelings
Acknowledge and Validate Your Emotions
One of the first steps in managing big feelings is to acknowledge that they’re present. Avoiding or suppressing emotions can often make them more intense. The Solution-Focused Approach encourages you to accept your feelings without judgment. When you feel overwhelmed, try saying to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay” or “I’m upset, and it’s okay to feel this way.”
Rather than trying to dismiss or push away your emotions, validate them as a natural part of being human. Recognizing that it’s normal to experience big feelings is empowering and can reduce the pressure to “fix” them immediately.
Strategy:
When you feel a big emotion rising, pause for a moment and acknowledge what you’re feeling without judgment. Practice saying to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way. What can I do to help myself feel better in this moment?”
Focus on What’s Working
When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get caught up in the problem or the intensity of your feelings. A Solution-Focused Approach asks you to shift your attention to what’s working or what has worked in similar situations before. Instead of focusing on why you’re upset or angry, ask yourself: “When I’ve felt this way before, what helped me calm down?” or “What tools or strategies have worked in the past?”
For example, you may have used deep breathing, going for a walk, journaling, or talking to a supportive friend to help regulate your emotions. This strategy is about focusing on your existing strengths and coping mechanisms to manage the current situation effectively.
Strategy:
Reflect on previous experiences where you’ve managed your emotions well. What specific actions did you take that helped you feel more in control? Use these solutions again in future moments of emotional intensity.
Set Small, Achievable Goals
A Solution-Focused Approach emphasizes small, concrete steps rather than trying to solve everything at once. When emotions are running high, trying to fix the situation in one big leap can be overwhelming and counterproductive. Instead, break down what you can do into smaller, manageable actions. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, your goal might be to take five minutes to breathe deeply or to walk away from a triggering situation for a brief moment.
Setting small goals helps you regain a sense of control and reduces the overwhelming nature of big emotions. Each small step toward emotional regulation is a victory, helping to build confidence in your ability to manage your emotions.
Strategy:
When experiencing a big feeling, set a small, achievable goal like taking a short break, practicing a grounding technique, or making a list of things you can control in the moment. Celebrate the progress you make.
Use Action-Oriented Coping Strategies
Instead of becoming passive or overwhelmed by your emotions, the Solution-Focused Approach encourages action—doing something productive to manage your emotional state. Action-oriented coping strategies are things that involve movement, focus, or engagement. These activities can help you shift your attention away from your feelings and regulate your emotions more effectively.
Examples include:
Physical exercise (a walk, yoga, stretching)
Mindfulness (paying attention to the present moment)
Distraction (listening to music, reading, or engaging in a hobby)
Talking to someone you trust (expressing your feelings in a healthy way)
By taking proactive steps, you prevent your emotions from spiraling out of control and help yourself regain balance.
Strategy:
Choose one action-oriented coping strategy that works for you, like deep breathing or taking a walk, and commit to doing it when you feel your emotions getting too big to handle.
Reframe Negative Thinking
Big emotions are often accompanied by negative thought patterns. You might start to think in extremes—“I can’t handle this,” or “Everything is ruined.” A Solution-Focused Approach encourages you to reframe these thoughts by asking yourself solution-oriented questions. Instead of focusing on how difficult the situation is, reframe the question to focus on potential solutions, like “What is one small thing I can do right now to feel better?” or “What’s one action I can take to regain control over this situation?”
Reframing negative thoughts helps you shift from a mindset of helplessness to one of empowerment, where you focus on practical steps you can take to improve your emotional state.
Strategy:
When you catch yourself thinking negatively, ask yourself, “What can I do to make this situation better, even in a small way?” This will help you take positive action and break the cycle of negativity.
Build Emotional Awareness and Self-Compassion
Understanding your emotional triggers and patterns is key to managing big feelings. A Solution-Focused Approach encourages you to develop emotional awareness—paying attention to your feelings and noticing what sets them off. Once you become more aware of your emotions, you can better anticipate how to regulate them before they become overwhelming.
Additionally, practicing self-compassion is essential. Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling intense emotions, remind yourself that everyone experiences these feelings. Treat yourself with kindness and patience, just as you would treat a friend going through a tough time.
Strategy:
Spend time journaling or reflecting on your emotional triggers and how you can respond differently next time. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings without judgment and reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel deeply.
Celebrate Your Progress
Lastly, it’s important to celebrate your progress as you work on managing big feelings. Each time you successfully regulate your emotions, even in a small way, it’s an achievement. Recognizing your progress helps reinforce positive changes and boosts your confidence in your ability to manage your emotions.
Strategy:
After using a coping strategy or taking action to regulate your emotions, acknowledge your success. For example, “I managed to calm down by taking a deep breath,” or “I handled that stressful situation better than I expected.”
Conclusion
Big feelings can feel overwhelming, but by using a Solution-Focused Approach, you can begin to manage and regulate your emotions more effectively. By acknowledging your emotions, setting small goals, taking action, and challenging negative thoughts, you can regain control over your emotional state and build resilience in the face of life’s challenges.
Remember, emotion regulation is a skill that takes time to develop, but by focusing on solutions and building on your strengths, you can navigate difficult emotions with more ease and confidence. Each small step you take toward emotional balance is a victory—and over time, these small steps will lead to lasting change.
